Don’t Look Away

We’re all friends here. We can talk about stuff like this right?
Maybe this is too personal. I dunno, but if you’re still reading then you’re obviously up for anything I’ll say right?

Okay, here goes. Lately, I’ve been going through some really hard times, some really bad times that incited thoughts of suicide. Now, I’m not gonna focus on me in this post WOW, I KNOW BIG SHOCKER because we’re going to talk about something way more important than me: Signs of Suicide

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This has always been a really important topic to me, not only because recently I’ve had bouts of suicidal thoughts but also because frankly, killing one’s self has become such a joke that when suicide does happen everyone is surprised and confused because some red flag warning signs of suicide are also used as very common jokes among peers within my age group.
Kinda messed up, not gonna lie.

When I first started to have suicidal thoughts I tried to cry for help the most obvious way I could think of: shout, “OH NO. I’M GONNA KILL MYSELF.”
One would think this is a big flashing ambulance-type warning of suicide. I LITERALLY stated I would kill myself and no one even flinched. Really? Now, this isn’t a cry for attention, it’s a cry for help. Screaming-crying-in-agony help.
I hear so often from people that they’re going to kill theirselves over a bad grade in a class, specifically this one kid whose younger sister and friends began bawling over a low A (90-100pts out of 100, for all the non-american readers) spouting threats of killing themselves and some serious talks of suicide. The kid I was talking to went on to complain about how annoying their sister was for crying and screaming with their friends about this ‘bad’ grade. I remember saying that suicide is a serious thing that shouldn’t be treated as a burden or a joke which the kid immediately brushed off saying their sister would never kill herself over a dumb grade.


Later on, I was asking someone on a suicide hotline, when I was feeling REALLY bad, why people kept ignoring all these tell tale signs I was witnessing and they said that more often than not people are uncomfortable with talking about suicide and sometimes it’s hard for people to find the words to say to make someone feel better.
BUT here’s the thing: It’s not only suicide people are uncomfortable with, it’s also bullying, rape, hate crimes, all these horrible things that still continue happening to people because “we’re too uncomfortable with talking about it.”


I think at this point, I’m done with that excuse. That’s what it is, an excuse. We’re trying to politely skirt around serious topics that NEED talking about because they’re horrible and disgusting and will continue happening no matter how hard we try to look in the other direction.

Ignoring suicide, bullying, rape, violent hate crimes, queerphobia, sexism, etc doesn’t stop it from happening. It’s the same deluded idea that if you close your eyes and cover your ears to something that you don’t like then it doesn’t exist.

LALALALAThe only way to make things better is to speak openly and to be completely willing to help one another through tough times, even if you don’t know exactly what to say, you can at least provide resources. Help them reach out to trained professionals who can better help the situation. PLEASE, watch out for the warning signs and don’t look away.


Because I could have died last week
Because people are still dying from suicide, depression, abuse, and everything else
Because it’s hard to go through this all alone.

Change in Perspective

NOTE: Reading on might put you in danger of reading Bioshock Infinite SPOILERS. You have been warned.


Once upon a time there was a story. It was told by a man with a very passive and detached narrative to the events that were happening before him.

The story, of which he didn’t much care about, was an age old classic about a young child who was given away to a man who could not have children. The story begins with the child whom, grown up at this time, is imprisoned in a tower, hidden away from everyone except the man who adopted her. Our main narrative joins us drunk, and disorderly scrambling about in search for this lost child in hopes of kidnapping her to settle his large gambling debt.

I’m not sure if you guys noticed yet, but I’m summarizing the beginning of Bioshock Infinite.


I was thinking for a while now that Bioshock Infinite could be so much better with a change in perspective. The experience would feel way more immersive rather than a player watching a docile character watching a scene in someone else’s movie play out on it’s own.


In video games the last thing you want your main playable protagonist to be is passive in their own story. Sure, Dewitt has a manly commanding voice. Sure, he’s got guns and power. Yeah, he’s an unfeeling soldier with a shady past, but all-in-all the reason he’s the narrator of someone else’s story is because, as everyone likes to believe, women can’t escape from their own towers…


The game’s beginning relies on the player’s investment in an ominous note, a stranger’s mutilated body, a pretty face, and a light house.


You save a strange girl in a castle because despite her having the ability to time travel she is incapable of escaping a castle. SHE CAN ESCAPE AT ANY POINT IN TIME BUT DOESN’T (I mean there’s probably a really crappy skim-over why she doesn’t…something about an emotion obligation to a metal bird…? Her “father”? Stockholm Syndrome? I dunno. I call BS though.)

Now I’m not an expert game developer nor am I the perfect story writer, but honestly if you think about Bioshock Infinite’s story cutting out Booker Dewitt, the main protagonist, and inserting the player directly into the action of the game that completely revolves around Dewitt’s “sidekick” (the girl mentioned above) whose life is being thoroughly explored through a series of flashbacks and defeating of past “demons” makes a way more interesting narrative. Also it’s just a really cool game mechanic to be able to time travel. Seriously.
Booker’s story is so briefly skimmed upon that the ending seemed like shoving a pretty ribbon on a hastily packaged gift and throwing at the recipient and running away (amazing how that simile worked out, eh?)


Elizabeth (Dewitt’s sidekick) makes an amazing main protagonist because the entire game is her LIFE. She’s trapped in a castle, she escapes, she experiences the world for the first time, she fight’s her dead mother’s demon, she kills someone for the first time to protect her morals. Elizabeth develops and changes and grows up through out the entire length of the game. You get to live this young girl’s life and experience loss, and cotton candy, and an entire world!

And what does Booker Dewitt do? He discovers he’s a dad and is actually a super devote Christian(?).
Dewitt hardly changes or grows throughout his experiences in the game. The player only learns more things about him that develops in cut scenes and flashbacks. His life was all planned out already and you’re only living the end, to his inevitable death.


I’m not saying Bioshock is a bad game/series because it’s not. It’s has a lot of really good aspects that I enjoyed and the story really was interesting, but thinking about perspective is interesting to me.


I challenge you guys to think about interesting, creative, new perspective in a beloved video game/movie/book/comic/etc. If you think of an interesting one, tell me in comments!
Later you guys.

Coming Out Day

NOTE: As an individual, remember you have a right to safety and security. Please click HERE if you feel that your safety has been threatened in some way and HERE for a suicide hotline/ a safe place to talk/ answers to questions you might have about sexuality/gender/coming out

Yesterday, 10/12/14 I came out to many of my friends and some distant relatives on Facebook and Twitter.

comeoutWhile writing this I was absolutely terrified of people’s reactions to my coming out because living in Texas, probably one of the most conservative states in America and hearing horror stories about exile and bullying…I really had a reason to be scared.


Hours after I came out to my peers I was shocked by the huge influx of support.

comeoutComing out can be scary, but if you have a tight support group that can back you up through anything it’s not as scary. It’s easy to forget that our life’s experiences don’t exist inside a vacuum and that all the people you meet and connect with can really help you feel…less alone.


Halloween prompts FOR DAAAAAYS.


In case you guys didn’t know there’s also this thing called: Inktober

You guys should all do these things!
And show them to me. I’m a bit too busy to do it every day for 31 days (and make them look presentable and ink them and all that) but I can do a few prompts and post them next week!

See you guys then (sorry, I told you a few weeks ago that the quality of these posts are gonna go DOOoOOoOOOOoOOOOWN.)


A discussion about feminism
For those uninterested click HERE for some commentary on a piece I did a while ago. It’s really interesting, well-thought out and the writer actually attends my school and I made his website header!

Space Unicorn and Solis let me do a really short reaction piece about our feelings on human rights.

spaceunicorn012In case you haven’t heard HeforShe is a campaign in support for gender equality that has really picked up since Emma Watson’s UN speech. Upon hearing her speech and all the positive messages she spoke about I got so excited! Finally positive progress in the direction of change and equal human rights! YAY!


As a person born female but of questionable gender (pfft, I don’t know who I am..) this news is HUGE and super exciting and amazing, but facing the reality of social media and social progression…it’s quite the opposite reaction. The minority that speaks the loudest are screaming MISANDRY and MAN-HATER in our faces and all these notions of utter hatred…over what? A speech. A speech, carefully written and beautifully presented about EQUALITY. Human rights. It’s obvious many people are not ready to face this kind of progress. Some people that will go so far as to send death threats to those striving for change.

It sickens me, really. It’s more sickening to look back at history when women in America protested for the right to vote: Women’s Suffrage. The layperson believed that these radical women were calling for the suffering of women! Oh dearie, me, why would you want something so horrible? But alas it was simply a fatal-sounding word that literally meant the right to vote.
I would like to believe that’s why some women are hitching themselves on to the #WomenAgainstFeminism trend, because feminism sounds like vicious misandry and a world completely over run with women who enslave men as their laborers, but it’s not. It’s about a basic human right of egalitarianism.

There is hope though, many people have come to embrace this movement, even though they might be a silent majority, there is hope and that’s what keeps me going. Just the idea of people that care and people that want to make change, those people give people like me, a silent, terrified, minority, the hope that we need to speak up and finally say something.

Because selfishly, I want to be able to legally say I am of non-binary gender and have it not influence my professional life.
Selfishly, I want to be able to walk outside and feel safe in my own neighborhood.
Selfishly, I believe that everyone should feel safe, no matter their gender or sex.

Sure, it’s selfish but a person can only dream, right?