Every aspect of our existence has been riddled with expectations. Be it high or low or reachable, we all have expectations. Some call them goals, others call them assumptions but we all have them.
These goals/assumptions/expectations have a symptom that has affected me greatly.
Romanticism. I mean like the verb ‘romanticize’ which refers to idealizing something to a point where it becomes unrealistic and subsequently unattainable. The idea of something can at times be more powerful then the original source material.
When I started this hobby/career/aspiration of becoming an artist I had all these ideas in my head of beautiful things that I would draw. And even though finding the idea is half the struggle, you gotta be able to draw, first off. Recently my artistic limitations led me to lose sense of perspective and ultimately the motivation to draw. It felt like such a curse to have all these amazing ideas in my head and not have the artistic ability to draw them. Sitting down to draw became such a personal disappointment. Every time I put the pencil to paper I just pleaded with myself to draw better and improve so I could suppress my limitations and draw as freely as I used to imagine I could. Alas, teaching myself grew tedious and my expectations for the level of skill I expected to attain at this point in my artistic career seemed so far and impossible. I always found myself thinking, “WOW. You’ve been drawing seriously for two years now, WHY CAN’T YOU DRAW BETTER THAN THAT 9 YEAR OLD ON DEVIANTART?”
Coming back now from my little break, I’ve realized, THE IDEAS DON’T STOP. Wether or not I felt like drawing or not the ideas would continue to stream into my brain until I finally put something to paper, anything. At first it was frustrating like an adorable little kid wanting to play with you but YOU GOTTA DO DUMB TAX RETURNS (note: I’m too young to do tax returns but it doesn’t sound better than an adorable kid). There was times where I really didn’t want to draw because I knew if I did I would feel really bad again but this C O N S T A N T stream of ideas and things got me used to feeling the disappointment because my main goal was to capture something amazing rather than worry if someone would like what I created.
So yeah. I’m back and I’ve gained new perspective on things. I’m ready to draw again for all you lovely people.
Thanks for being so great and patient with me!