Don’t Look Away

We’re all friends here. We can talk about stuff like this right?
Maybe this is too personal. I dunno, but if you’re still reading then you’re obviously up for anything I’ll say right?

Okay, here goes. Lately, I’ve been going through some really hard times, some really bad times that incited thoughts of suicide. Now, I’m not gonna focus on me in this post WOW, I KNOW BIG SHOCKER because we’re going to talk about something way more important than me: Signs of Suicide

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This has always been a really important topic to me, not only because recently I’ve had bouts of suicidal thoughts but also because frankly, killing one’s self has become such a joke that when suicide does happen everyone is surprised and confused because some red flag warning signs of suicide are also used as very common jokes among peers within my age group.
Kinda messed up, not gonna lie.

When I first started to have suicidal thoughts I tried to cry for help the most obvious way I could think of: shout, “OH NO. I’M GONNA KILL MYSELF.”
One would think this is a big flashing ambulance-type warning of suicide. I LITERALLY stated I would kill myself and no one even flinched. Really? Now, this isn’t a cry for attention, it’s a cry for help. Screaming-crying-in-agony help.
I hear so often from people that they’re going to kill theirselves over a bad grade in a class, specifically this one kid whose younger sister and friends began bawling over a low A (90-100pts out of 100, for all the non-american readers) spouting threats of killing themselves and some serious talks of suicide. The kid I was talking to went on to complain about how annoying their sister was for crying and screaming with their friends about this ‘bad’ grade. I remember saying that suicide is a serious thing that shouldn’t be treated as a burden or a joke which the kid immediately brushed off saying their sister would never kill herself over a dumb grade.


Later on, I was asking someone on a suicide hotline, when I was feeling REALLY bad, why people kept ignoring all these tell tale signs I was witnessing and they said that more often than not people are uncomfortable with talking about suicide and sometimes it’s hard for people to find the words to say to make someone feel better.
BUT here’s the thing: It’s not only suicide people are uncomfortable with, it’s also bullying, rape, hate crimes, all these horrible things that still continue happening to people because “we’re too uncomfortable with talking about it.”


I think at this point, I’m done with that excuse. That’s what it is, an excuse. We’re trying to politely skirt around serious topics that NEED talking about because they’re horrible and disgusting and will continue happening no matter how hard we try to look in the other direction.

Ignoring suicide, bullying, rape, violent hate crimes, queerphobia, sexism, etc doesn’t stop it from happening. It’s the same deluded idea that if you close your eyes and cover your ears to something that you don’t like then it doesn’t exist.

LALALALAThe only way to make things better is to speak openly and to be completely willing to help one another through tough times, even if you don’t know exactly what to say, you can at least provide resources. Help them reach out to trained professionals who can better help the situation. PLEASE, watch out for the warning signs and don’t look away.


Because I could have died last week
Because people are still dying from suicide, depression, abuse, and everything else
Because it’s hard to go through this all alone.


4 thoughts on “Don’t Look Away

  1. When you were in my class two years ago I asked to join your blog. I appreciated your respectful approach to me, your freedom of thought, and your desire to express yourself in your art. I still read your blog. There have been times I wanted to say something; but, just as your blog expressed, I did not know what to say. The suicide blog caused me to break my silence.

    I admire your courage – expressing deep concerns, conflictions, contradictions and emotions. Of course, I would like to say something meaningful; but that is easier said than done. Meaningful (like beauty) is in the eyes of the beholder. You are meaningful, and your thoughtful expressions are meaningful and your courage and freedom are beautiful… Back to meaningful- there is a proverb that is meaningful should you embrace it- “…as a man thinks, so is he…”. So much of life taken out of proportion is dangerous (alcohol, praise, criticism, sex, negative thoughts, hateful thoughts, self-deprecating words, dogma, drugs, TV- you get the point). Most of the time we deal with these loaded grenades in a balanced or proportionate manner.

    SO…? I have no idea if any of these are hot buttons for you. Is it possib

  2. Thank you for writing about this. I don’t know you personally and I have never met you, but through your blog I have come to admire you as more than a blogger, artist or writer, but as a person. You are an amazing person and I hope that you will continue to know that.

    1. Thank you so much! I’m so glad that you’ve stuck around with me as long as you have too, you’re support means so much and I really appreciate that you think i’m a good person! It’s really easy to forget sometimes that we all have our good qualities.

  3. The only thing that made my bullying get better was acting like a crazy person and progressively acting less crazy until people thought I was “back to normal”. The problem with things like bullying, rape, etc. is that there’s too big of a population to get everyone to stop, and that people will always try to promote side agendas under the guise of helping. They’re like car accidents; you can’t stop them, but you can implement safety features to keep them from being so serious. With some things, like rape, it’s all about prevention, and the way to make it better is to not judge prevention techniques by who they place the effort on, but by how well they prevent it from happening. With others, like bullying, it goes a long way to just let the people who are bullying their peers know that they are and weeding out the ones who refuse to stop. And, with everything, it’s good to make sure the target or victim knows that they have the ability within themselves to make a change for the better in their life, rather than for the worse.

    In summation, victims need help changing their mindset to a positive one and keeping that mindset. Antagonists need help changing their mindset to a non-destructive one, and also need help recognizing when they hurt someone else.

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