Maybe Not Good Enough

As some of you guys know I’ve been taking an art class this year annnnnnd I’m not sure if I said already but IT SUUUCKS.

Having my art, pretty much my heart and soul, stamped with a number value is the worst kind of torture. Lately I’ve been kind of hesitant to pick up a pencil and draw just for me because I’m scared of the 73s and I’m sick of my art being graded as only just “Good.”

I detest the question, “What’s that?” that I’ve been getting asked by these people who sit next to me in Art class. I don’t want to be watched when I draw. I don’t need someone to understand the idea I’m trying to convey through my art until I’m ready.
There’s something so inherently emotional about art class that I really just, hate. I’m a really confident person, especially after becoming best friends with my German exchange partner but in art class I can feel all of the eyes and I can feel my confidence dissolve.

judggy

You have the teacher, the one who everyone seeks attention from, the all hail, all knowing educator who deals these small compliments that deform into invaluable precious gems that these insecure teenagers must hold on to with a grip so strong it could break me in two.

BREAK

Something about art class makes me feel…vulnerable, not weak, but just so exposed which kind of scares me.
I used to share progress shots of my art on social media and that’s okay because I have control over that. I decide what exactly people can see of my art and there’s a level of acceptance in that idea that I never was bothered by sharing my art in it’s beta form.
But art class is a different story entirely. These people that sit around you can decide if they want to stare at you draw a portrait of your friend and you can’t stop them. I mean you can look in their direction and they might look away for a few seconds but ultimately you have no choice in the matter. They can judge your work and ask if you’re drawing a fish when you’re really trying to draw a spaceship which might make you feel self-conscious about your skills as an artist and maybe make you want to run and hide and maybe never draw ever again… No? Well, then.

I feel like should say this before I go for who-knows-how-long: I’m not saying I hate people or when they compliment me or my art, I actually really love that! It’s just, art class is a structured class with grades and peers with this horrible environment so pretty much anything that comes from that class makes me want to vomit,

vommmmit

 

BUT out of that disgusting climate, I’m proud of my art and I’m proud to get compliments and constructive criticism and I’m proud to show people my work on MY terms without the number value grades, okay?

RECAP: I love you guys, my followers, my friends, my supporters, but hate art class.

See you soon and have a lovely life!

 

Advertisements

Speak Up!

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s