You Don’t Have to be Strong Anymore

I wrote you a poem and I hope you never read it.

You Don’t Have to be Strong Anymore

You were taught that to be weak is to love, is to feel, is to be emotional
I was taught that to be strong I had to silence my anxieties, choke down my tears, and only scream into pillows when no one could hear.

I don’t want to be strong anymore.
I want to be my whole self
I want to be vulnerable and sad, and angry, and cry in public.

I do that a lot,
I find myself crying in front of people a lot
And I want you to know it’s okay.
I want to feel that it’s okay.
I feel it in the way you text my name when you’re upset
I read it, not like a calling but like a question.
They shouldn’t be allowed to do this vian
It’s not right what they’re doing vian
It breaks my heart, knowing you,
The person I always regarded as having all the answers
Looking at me for the reasons.

I want to make life fair for you.
I want to make the world happy and safe.
It breaks my heart that I can’t, not for anyone.
Not for you, not for Skylar, not for anyone.

I don’t want to be strong anymore.
I can’t ignore the sound of my heart breaking
So much and so often.
I can’t be strong anymore.
And that’s okay.

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